The end of the street on which we stay.
Seth and I have been in Paris about three weeks. When people ask how it's going, the most consistent answer I have is that we're walking around a lot. So "we're walkin here" really does still apply. Some of the walking is in service of ticking off some of the sightseeing checklist and most of it is just because we have all the time in the world, so we opt to walk instead of take the metro to a lot of our regular destinations. Fall is settling into Paris- the leaves are starting to change and the warmer days are giving way to crisper ones. I'm told Paris can also be quite gray and rainy in the fall, but so far we've only had a couple fully rainy days. And those rainy days feel great because we just cuddle inside.
Example of a cuddle day.
I've been reflecting on the phrase "no matter where you go, there you are," which never really bodes well for self-esteem. I've been doing a bit of work through an online therapy platform and it is mostly unsatisfying. And even though I don't even like it, I can't manage to knock it further down the priority list. For people who have witnessed round after round of my boxing match with work- I can feel your eye rolls- I'm as frustrated as anybody that I haven't figured out how to step out of the ring! Unconsciously, maybe I knew that the only way I could manage to get myself out of my fight with work was to make a job of hiking all day in the woods. Which is a very extreme measure and an insanity in its own right- but desperate times call for desperate measures. So once the trail was off the table, I took the downtime we had between the trail and Europe to rationalize my way into establishing myself as an online therapist. You know, so I can do work during this time I said I was taking away from work. I won't bother you with the rationalizations- they're boring and stupid and really annoying for people who've heard me say them over and over again for the past five years.
So no matter where you go, there you are- the implication there is work on yourself. I am ashamed to say, but want to pretend I am not ashamed to say, that I am reading a book about developing as a writer. It's not clear whether every reader would take the book in this way, but, pour moi (still working on that French), it's essentially been a self-help book. Its premise is that we have to connect with our bodies and our environment to start to tell a story and that people often miss the beauty in the most simple moments because we resist that connection. I have a reminder in my phone set for noon every day now that says, "It is impossible to inhabit the body and worry about the future at the same time" -a quote from the book. I am really proud of the fact that I created this opportunity for an incredible experience of immersing myself in the woods or abroad and making time to connect with old and new friends and my husband, but I end distracting myself- just like I do at home! I'm worrying about the next appointment, numbing out with something (food, exercise, Netflix- to name a few), and playing out various timelines for the future. I've always been this way and I thought if I just placed myself in the right environment or adventure- I would stop being this way, but here I am! I am very painfully learning that I can ruin any cool experience I create for myself- go me! (The book is called Writing Wild: Forming a Creative Relationship with Nature by Tina Welling for anyone interested).
However, I am trying. I am reading this book a little every day. I'm trying to continue writing here and have also just started writing little things for myself. I am slowly but surely becoming more attune with my body and how aggressive I can be with it. I'm trying to make little changes in response to this awareness. And I'm also just trying to enjoy as much of Paris as possible. I can't help but have a little checklist. We try to see some sights at least a few times a week. Here are some of the things we've seen:
The Musée de Cluny -- Musée national du Moyen Âge. Super cool, but I wish we had given ourselves more time to get the audio tour. I like me some factoids to go with all the old stuff I'm looking at.
Shakespeare and Company. English- language bookstore open since 1951. It has been a meeting place for many famous expat authors living in Paris. A friend brought me here after going to the Centre Pompidou to the Musée National d'Art Moderne to see a David Hockney exhibit. I hadn't heard of Hockney, but he's an English artist and I thought it was amazing.
The top of Sacré-Cœur Basilica. 300 steps to the top. There's already an excellent view from the hilltop on which Sacré-Cœur stands, but we decided to go the extra 300 steps to get that primo view.
And because Paris is Paris just walking around the city is like walking around a museum. We're always walking past something of historical significance and beauty.
Arc de Triomphe. Just crossing the street, no big deal.
Eiffel Tower. I basically just lazily threw up my phone and snapped a picture while I was walking to a meeting.
Notre Dame. Like, I couldn't even be bothered to stand up from my cafe table to get a better picture. This is a terrible picture. But it's really nice to have coffee across the street from Notre Dame.
Seth and I decided to also take an overnight trip to Fontainebleau, which is a 40-minute train ride from Paris. Fontainebleau has been on our radar because it's known for its bouldering (a style of rock climbing). When we stepped off the train, I immediately appreciated the smell of the woods- wet leaves, dirt, and trees. I loved it out there immediately. I adore Paris, but as I've spent more time here- it is very much a busy, built-up city. Probably one of the most beautiful in the world, which is why Seth and I keep coming back to it, but having the contrast of Fontainebleau to three weeks in Paris helped me to acknowledge how much nature enlivens me. And I already knew this- everyone knows this- people write about it all the time, but, as I was describing earlier, I am a master at overriding my most basic bodily intuitions. So while we were in Fontainebleau, I really tried to honor how nourished I felt there.
After having a wonderfully French lunch of simply, but perfectly seasoned lamb chops, Seth and I toured the Château de Fontainebleau. The castle served as the residence and hunting lodge to French monarchs since 1137. The original medieval structure has been built over (reconstruction and redecorating are a favorite pastime of French kings apparently), so tourists see what Louis-Phillip and Napoleon III built up in the early to mid 1800s.
The Chapel of the Trinity.
Main entrance to the castle.
Seth and I decided to do an overnight in Fontainebleau because we wanted to see the Château and we also wanted to explore the Forest of Fontainebleau. Neither Seth nor I are in our best rock climbing shape, which is best kept by climbing consistently, so we had little hope of actually climbing any routes, but we at least wanted to lay our eyes on the world-famous climbing. We were able to walk from the town straight into the forest making me fall in love with Fontainebleau even more.
I felt so happy to be in the woods again. The fallen leaves smelled so sweet.
We found some of the bouldering spots and we did try to get our baguette-eating butter butts up a couple of harder routes and let's just say it was a non-starter. Overall, I approached climbing the rocks like I would have as a kid- just climbing up and over and all around anything that looked fun. It was an invigorating and perfectly active afternoon in the forest.
Ooooffff.
Ooooffff.
Feeling good.
Not only was Fontainebleau a much-needed reconnection with nature, it served as a little vacation within a vacation for Seth and me. Staying with our friends is what we wanted in terms of hanging with one of our favorite couples and it's also the only way we felt confident enough financially to come to Europe for so long. But staying in someone's living room is staying in someone's living room. We've exacerbated this by being too lazy to replace the deflating and now absolutely dead air mattress that had been our bed, so I am sleeping on the couch and Seth is sleeping on a cot on the floor. Like, if you include the trail, it would be hard to choose the least romantic moment of all the least romantic moments we have had on this "honeymoon." But overall, Seth and I are doing well. It's hard for me to tolerate not knowing what we're doing after this. He relaxes way better than I do and that can be variably annoying or admirable or terrifying depending on the story I make up in my head about it. It's also sometimes hard to negotiate a relationship with another couple watching, which I think our friends are experiencing as well. But any time I get scared about a conflict we're having I'm able to have some self-compassion by reminding myself of our shared humanity- as in, many couples have these disagreements. We're not unique in having discussions about money, kids, house/no house, self-care, or boundaries. It's all good, even when things aren't going perfectly.
However, I think Fontainebleau did spark our desire for more "us" time, so a few plans have developed. Mikey and Rose worked it out for us to be able to housesit and help dog-sit while a friend of their's travels. So we'll have our own apartment for at least a little bit at the end of October. Because we're taking on the responsibility of helping dog-sit, Seth and I went ahead and planned a little trip to Italy for next week! This will be our first time to Italy, which is definitely a bucket-list destination for me. Italian food- here I come! Fingers crossed to a week that may resemble the faintest idea anyone might have about what a honeymoon is. But, you know what, I don't actually care. Whatever we're doing here, I think it's going to have a much more lasting impact than a stupid honeymoon.
